God

A Story of Two Houses

a story of two houses: trusting in ourselves or living in God's love for us
photo by Cosmic Timetraveler

This is a story of two houses.

Years ago, I was introduced to the idea that from the beginning of life, we build a house for ourselves. This house is constructed of the strategies we use to make life work apart from God. It’s how we find our place, protect ourselves from pain, feel loved and needed. Our houses all look different but in many ways they are the same. They serve us well. They help us. They make us feel secure.

Along the way, if we meet God, He will offer us another house. It’s a far superior house, as all God’s resources are superior. It has a better foundation, one grounded in His truth about us. It’s not affected by wind or rain. Really, it’s a better place to live.

So sometimes we live there. But often, we’re not even aware of it, or if we are, we don’t feel a need for it. The house we’ve built seems quite sufficient.

The problem is, though, it’s not really a house. It’s a prison.

When I learned about these houses, I began to see how well my prison held me. My well-constructed strategies of staying put together and performing well keep me from being free, from being vulnerable. They kept me from the very solid existence in truth that I thought they gave me.

God’s house looked appealing. The problem was, I didn’t know how to live there. It felt too open, exposed, unknown. I looked back at my own house and thought, “Well, I can’t live there, but I don’t know how to live here.” I felt emotionally homeless.

Over the years, I have slowly been learning what it looks like to live more consistently in the house God has for me. It’s a house where life and love come not from something I do or what the world provides, but from His deep and unchanging love for me, and who He says I am.

I hoped at some point that I would be able to burn the old house down so that it was no longer an option. This seems reasonable to me – why would God want me to live somewhere else? At times I have asked Him to put me in His house, to lock the doors and board up the windows, so that I can never leave. I know that every time I try to use my own strategies to make life work, I dishonor Him. I deny His love for me. I reject the life He offers. I put myself back in prison. I want Him to keep me from doing that.

But He won’t. The choice is there every day for me. Will I choose to rely on my own ways? Or will I leave behind what feels like life and trust in that which truly is? It means living by faith, having the courage to be open, to keep my heart awake, to not retreat to safety but hold tight to Him.

What about you? Where are you living today?

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More Than Conquerors

Ah, sweet victory – I’m done! I could stop here and say that my victory today is crossing the finish line, completing the challenge, but I feel it would be a good time to stop and reflect on what I’m taking with me from this month.

Sometimes in life there are clear victories, victories that even the world has to stop and commend as well done. Epic victories, if you will.

Other days, they’re smaller. Maybe like finding new awesome pants, or making a Halloween costume in 5 minutes (yep, did that today) or avoiding a $164 ticket.

But most days you have to look harder. You have to look past what the world values as worth celebrating, and recognize where the victory really is. It feels like for me it’s usually in the small choices I make – grace, joy, peace, patience, where they wouldn’t have been otherwise.

But for the days when it seems no victory is in sight, there is always one. The awesome truth I’m claiming as victory today is this: we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. No matter what happens today, I’m coming out ahead in the end because I have Him on my side. That’s a victory no one can take away.

“But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Corinthians 15:57

Are you claiming your victory in Him today?

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Faith(fulness)

Faith(fulness)
Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

 

I once did a word study in Ephesians 6. In the phrase “shield of faith,” the word faith was most often translated “faithfulness.”

In other words,it is God’s faithfulness that covers and protects me, not my faith. Click To Tweet

That was a relief to me because faith is not my strong suit. It’s not my faith or lack of it that carries me, it’s His faithfulness. When I think about the transitions we’ve gone through as a family, I can see how true this is.

God’s Faithfulness through Transition

When we moved overseas, God showed us His sovereignty and goodness, when we questioned whether having a baby, leading a team, and learning new language and culture all at the same time was really the best idea. It was, for His purposes.

In becoming a mom, He showed me that He is El Roi – the God who sees us, even when the world might not.

When we moved to Singapore, and He knew how hard it was for us to leave, He showed us His tenderness and compassion through working out all the details in perfect timing.

When we moved back into East Asia 5 years later, things didn’t go quite so smoothly. I remember saying to God, “But last time you worked all these things out so well! Why not now?” And He said, “Because that’s not what you need now.” What we needed was to be refreshed and renewed, and He showed His delight in doing that for us.

When we moved back to the U.S., I wondered, “How will God reveal Himself to us this time?”

God’s Recent Faithfulness

There were huge decisions to make. We had to buy a house – here we were at 40 years old but we’d never bought a house before! We had to decide what part of Orlando to live in, and we discovered that our friends could be very evangelistic about what part of Orlando is best. It was confusing; They all sounded good! We had to decide where to send our kids to school – we’d not had a lot of options before. It was overwhelming, and the best pro/con list in the world wasn’t going to help us. The house we bought had the most pros, but it also had the most cons, by far.

What we needed was His wisdom. If you ask me today why we chose this area, this house, this school, I will say that it was simply because God told us to. With each decision there came a day when He clearly said, “This one. This place.” He has been our wisdom and our guide.

When I look back, God has been faithful to show up. So this becomes another stone of remembrance for me that strengthens my faith, that I can carry into the next transition. We don’t know how God will work, but we know that He will. It is his faithfulness that shields us. Click To Tweet

 

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Our Anchor in Transition

Plan to Stay Where God Calls You

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Loving Me Through Her

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One of the things that brings me the greatest joy is to hear my children talking to my sister. When they talk with her, they sweetly ask questions and patiently listen to her stories. They treat her with compassion. They make her feel loved. It’s like a balm to my soul.

Why? Because my sister is mentally impaired. Growing up with an older sister who is impaired, I had an acute radar for how other people responded to her. I vetted every friend who came over, watching to see if they would treat her normally. I eyed strangers in public, ready to give them the stink eye if they so much as smirked at her. You don’t want to be on the receiving end of my stink eye.

While my parents have encouraged her as much as possible to live an independent life, she will always needs others’ help and support. She is a perpetual child in an adult body; trusting, simple, open. She needs others to stand with her, to listen to her, to guide her, to do for her what she cannot do for herself.

As adults, I’m not as worried about her as I was as a child, but I still find myself wanting to shelter her. Last October, we needed to vote early, so I picked her up on Halloween. She came out of her house wearing a pink princess costume with a silver crown. I paused for a minute and then thought, “Ok, let’s go with it.” Of course we got stares and questioning looks at the voting booths. Part of me felt the need to justify why a 42 year old woman was wearing a princess costume, but another part of me wanted everyone to just act like it was the most normal thing in the world. Actually, I wanted more than that. I wanted people to feel the way I felt about her – that they would think that it was awesome that she was wearing exactly what made her happy on a holiday.

I wanted them to see her as the gift she is; a precious, God-given gift. My sister loves purely and wholeheartedly. She delights in little things. She loves to be part of everything. She trusts. She accepts. She gives me opportunities to grow in being compassionate, patient, gentle, loving, protective of the weak, accepting of the different.

And that’s why it’s such a blessing when others step in and love her alongside me. It says, “I see that she is precious too. I will stand with you in loving her.” It says we are not alone, that others will be the protectors, the helpers, the givers. They will recognize the value in her.

So if you know someone who is impaired in some way, know that taking the time to love them isn’t just a gift to them. It’s a gift to those who love them as well. Thank you.

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Finding God

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Recently I pulled out all the journals I could find that I’ve written as an adult. (Yes, I still write on paper. Someday, when computers take over the world, they will have to pry the last piece of paper from my cold, dead hands).

But I digress. I am trying to gather my thoughts from our time in Asia and assemble them into a book for people to read. I went searching through my journals for evidence of how God was working in my heart through all that time. I discovered lots of great quotes from conferences and books, evidence that I have always been addicted to chocolate, and the knowledge that on January 31, 2004, our son tried to heal a cut on his foot by stepping on a piece of processed cheese. Genius.

And I found God. God meeting me over and over again in places just like this one. I was reminded of His tenderness as we moved from China to Singapore, when all the details worked out so smoothly it was uncanny, and it was like He said, “I know this is hard for you. Let me make it just a little easier.” I saw His joy in refreshing me through the first summer back in China, after two tough years in Singapore. I felt Him as El Roi – the God who sees, in those times when I had lost my bearings and felt invisible. I was reminded of the pure realness of His existence as I pondered Him meeting me on the other side of the globe. I experienced His answers to prayer over and over. I saw Him as my Shepherd, directing my path in new and unfamiliar places. His mercy, grace, compassion – it was all there.

His faithfulness is unspeakable. I’m so thankful to have this written evidence that serves as a reminder to me that the One who was with me consistently there is the same One who is with me now.

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Why God Won’t Just Make It Easier

Why God Won't Just Make It Easier
Photo by Francisco Gonzalez on Unsplash


The last two years we lived in Singapore were, in a word, hard.

The summer prior we’d said goodbye to several families and had to move 2 miles from where we’d been living a glorious communal existence with them.

Within months of living in our new apartment, my allergies kicked in like they’d been making up for lost time. I burned through every over the counter allergy drug Mustafa Centre had to offer within about 2 months.

When I finally broke down and saw an allergist, he put me on an experimental drug that was supposed to eradicate ALL my allergies. Most people saw dramatic results within 4-6 months. I quit after nine because I’d seen no change. He was baffled.

I was just plain tired of it.

In the meantime, he’d put me on a prescription allergy drug as well, which I had to take immediately upon waking.

If I didn’t, forget about it. By 10 am I’d be scratching my face off and unable to see straight through a fog of sneezing. I’d pop some Benadryl, point the kids toward the TV, request that they not kill each other before daddy came home, and let the Benadryl slam me into symptomless sleep.

Homeschool? Barely. Getting out of the house to do fun stuff with the kids? Not much. Meals? Housework? Nope.

On top of that, Erik’s job had become more demanding, and the kids were lonely without the constant presence of friends which had been their previous existence. Yep, it was just. plain. hard.

So often during that time I would cry out to God and ask Him to change it.

I raged. Questioned God. Doubted His love. I pleaded with Him to just make it easier. One day, He responded by gently pointing out that what I was really asking was not to have to need Him quite so much.

We Just Want It to Be Easier

Nobody signs up for “hard.”

It’s not a popular class. We treat it like an elective, but it’s a core course. It’s where we learn to come to the end of ourselves and to trust in His abundant resources.

We say we want to grow in Christlikeness, in character, in faith, but when it comes to the reality of what it takes to get there? I know I for one am often inclined to say, “Um . . . no thanks.”

When trials come, I’m always tempted to say, “God, just make it easier.” I want to jump to the end where I’ve learned the lessons and grown and are all mature and glowing. (that’s what happens, right? Tell me that’s what happens)

But I think back on those two years in Singapore. Yes, they were hard. But were they worth it? You bet.

I can’t tell you how much God met us, and how He used that situation for good (not the least of which was to take us back to China, which was our dream), how He shaped me in that brokenness.

So I have hope. God meets us in the hard, not to make it easier, but to show us that He is strong enough for it if we will just own our deep need for Him and trust Him.

 

related posts:

Lean In 

Let Go and Let Him Hold You 

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The Eye of the Storm

We haven’t yet had the full force of hurricane season here, but I anticipate that it will be interesting. In our kids’ school binders, several of the teachers have typed in a “hurricane alternative” curriculum for the days we’re stuck at home. Like a snow day I guess! I’m sure we’ll get to know the weather reporters on the local news well.

I feel like a weather reporter myself sometimes when it comes to updates about our transition, “The subtropical storm depression Gina from last week has temporarily subsized, but from the north side of the house we are detecting a storm surge from potential tropical storm Ethan. Parents, be advised.”

Yes, if it’s not one of us, it’s another. As I lay awake the other night praying about this, God reminded me that He has seen thousands, hundreds of thousands, nay probably millions of people, through transitions. He walked through those with them; He will walk with us.  He controls the wind, the rain. He is my eye of the storm, the shelter.

“Seek the Lord and his strength. Seek his presence continually!” Psalm 105:4

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Cease Striving

I’ve never been one for being quiet or still. My mom loves to tell stories of my propensity to crawl, climb, walk, at an early age, and of a 2-year-old Gina marching into Sunday School singing, “Have faith, hope and charity, that’s the way to live successfully!” One memorable report card from 2nd grade lauds my sociability with other kids, my willingness to participate in class discussions. It ends, though, with the downside, “Gina needs to learn to be quiet in class.”

No, I’m not much for quiet and still. I like to be on the move. I like to communicate. I tend to live my life at high speeds of taking in information, accomplishing all that I can, seeking opportunities to express myself.

Cease striving, and know that I am God might have been written just for me.

I need to have it phrased that way, “Cease striving.” It packs more of a divine reprimand for me that just “be still.” When I think of “be still” I imagine something that is already at rest and is being asked to just stay. “Cease striving” speaks more to my MO. I strive. Oh how I strive.

Don’t get me wrong. I believe it’s part of how God made me, this inclination toward activity. It’s something I like about myself, the high capacity to do the things that interest me. The danger comes when my activity and my own chatter silence the voice of God, when I use my actions and my voice to try to find life apart from God, to make things happen in my ways and in my time.

Lately, I’ve been doing that. In my desire to find my place in this new chapter of life, I want to run ahead of God. I want to make noise so that I am seen and heard, recognized and approved. I don’t want to rest in His ways or His timing, but that is exactly what He is asking me to do. He’s asking me to cease trying to make life happen according my ideas, to stop looking for life apart from Him.

There’s actually a great relief that comes in being reminded of that. I am His. He knows what He’s doing with me. I just need to cease striving and let Him be God in my life.

What about you? Are you striving today?

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Enough

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Throughout our time in Asia, God reminded me of a verse from Psalm 16:5, “Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup.” I took that to mean that whatever came my way, He was in control of it, and it was good for me and my growth in Christlikeness.

I can’t tell you how many times it didn’t feel like that was true. When you’re standing on the street corner with your 3 month old strapped to your chest and three consecutive cabs that you hail get snaked by other people, you can tell yourself, “This is assigned, this is assigned, this assigned” but it’s not easy to rest in. I’d rather have the ride to the hospital than a lesson in patience and forgiveness, thank you very much.

Lately, though, I’ve been looking at this verse differently (and not because I’m hoping it means I get to skirt tough situations). When I read it in the ESV, it says, “Lord, YOU are my chosen portion and my cup.” Huh. That takes me out of my circumstances altogether.

Over and over through these last few months, God has brought me back to this truth: He is enough for me. He is all that I need. He is what satisfies.

Our hearts are wily beasts. They hunger and thirst and desire and want. I don’t think that’s necessarily wrong. But I know that when I hunger and thirst and desire and want things outside of God, I will inevitable be disappointed. They will become idols, idols who cannot satisfy.

So He calls me back to Him, to desiring Him. He calls me back to see that He is enough. He is what I truly want. He is exactly all I need.

He is enough.

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Keeping in Step

 

“How have we kept in step with the Spirit during this transition?” That was the question we were supposed to answer in a brief sharing time at a Cru day of prayer.

I’ll be honest, my first response was, “The phrase, ‘keeping in step with the Spirit’ has not crossed my mind at all during this transition. Does that mean I haven’t? And how would it go down if I just got up there and threw that out as my opening line?”

And to be more honest, I was a little afraid. Afraid that if I got up there and shared how much I’ve struggled with holding fast to God in this transition, I would be the odd man out.

But I wasn’t. We were the last to share that day, and the encouraging thing was that everyone who got up front talked about how they struggle to keep in step with God. By the time I got up there, I knew I was among friends.

Even better news is that I DO see how I’ve been trying to keep in step with the Spirit during this transition. For me, it’s meant learning to slow down, stop trying to figure things out on my own, waiting for His direction, and responding in obedience.

But the thing that encouraged me the most that day was something from one of the other speakers. He talked about being expectant. I have been in the habit recently of starting my day by saying, “Ok God, it’s you and me. In it together. I know you’re at work. Show me what to do, and I’ll do it.” All good. Good stuff. Good way to start the day. But I realized that I can do that, and yet not really expect God to do anything. Or maybe just expect not much. So I’ve been trying to do that this last week, to go beyond, “I’m willing” to “I’m expectant.”

What are you expecting Him to do today?

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